I had an idea today. Driving home after being with someone I was helping with decluttering, I realized that I really love being with this person and it occurred to me that I would like to spend more time with her.

Seth Godin’s blog is well-worth reading. He is tremendously creative and always encouraging his readers to try things, to ship their art, to think outside the box. His writings have been inspirational to me.

Other resources such as The One You Feed podcast and the writings and teachings of Tony Robbins have been valuable sources of jump-starting my creative thinking.

Although I cannot point to a specific post or podcast at this moment, I can tell you that the accumulation of this good input, the feeding of my “good wolf,” (as they talk about on The One You Feed), has been percolating and simmering. Today those good ingredients came together to create something new and exciting for me.

I have created a proposal for the possibility of becoming a Personal or Executive Assistant to the friend I helped today. I noticed that the ideas flowed easily and clearly. My energy level around the idea is high. After I finished the first draft, a cautious voice piped up shakily, “Better think about this; make sure it is perfect before you send it; who do you think you are.”

Ha.

I recognized that voice as the voice of the fear of making a mistake, and I thanked the voice and let it know I did not need its input at this time. So, the proposal is complete. It is colorful and fun. Although I recognize that my friend appreciates my company, I don’t know if she will be interested in this idea. BUT I AM TRYING IT ANYWAY.

Can’t wait to see what happens next!

This is the heel of my favorite Rocket Dog platform flip-flops. You’ll notice that someone has gnawed on the heel and ruined it.

You probably don’t want to read this post. It’s just full of my dismay about the problems of having a dog.

Toast is on a little vacation to his grandparents house. They live only about a mile away and are happy to have their grand-dog over now and again. After I dropped him off today, when I walked into my house, I was struck by the most powerful sense of relief I have experienced lately.

And since I have been home, no one has tried to chew up my water bottle that I sat on the floor next to me. No one has interfered with me taking out the trash or the recycling. No one has sniffed any part of me as I get ready to shower or change. No one has eaten my shoes, Kepler’s shoes, Greg’s shoes, or any one of a hundred other things. I haven’t had to make sure every door is closed. No one has followed me down the stairs, up the stairs, into the bathroom, or to the door. I haven’t had to finesse getting in or out of a door. I haven’t had to be on full alert all the time to spy what is on the floor and then making sure it gets picked up by me before it gets eaten up by him.

To wit, a number of stressors have been minimized or completely gone, since he has been on vacation at grandparents home.

You may recall we got the dog for Kepler. Yet, even more than a typical situation, the dog is completely under the care of me (and Greg, when he is here). Kepler is not big enough to help train the dog. And the dog is still too unpredictable to trust him with Kepler without constant supervision.

I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out a way for this to work better. But I don’t know how to change the experience I have of needing a break from being in charge of someone 24/7. I think it’s just that I don’t really have the brain space or perhaps it’s energy to deal with first thing in the morning getting the dog squared away, working on controlling and/or training him while I get Kepler out to the bus, in the house from the bus, into bed, and then all the minutes in between.

Toast probably needs closer supervision. Toast probably needs more toys to play with. Toast probably needs a lot more exercise. Toast probably needs a lot more training time during the day. That all makes me think that Toast probably needs someone else to be taking care of him all the time. I already have a full plate.

It’s hard to even write these things down, knowing others will read them. I have this idea that for many people, owning a dog is a joy. Even my mom said it this morning, how wonderful it is to have someone be so happy to see you.

I don’t want the stress. Although we are working on helping Kepler to know how to behave, he will still throw Toast’s toys outside, even though they are inside toys. So, when I am looking for something that belongs to Toast, I never know where it might be. I do not see it as possible or desirable to keep track of all of Toast’s stuff, let alone keep track of Toast.

Even though we put things where we think they are out of Toast’s grasp, he still is able to find things and get them into his mouth. This morning, it was the DirecTv remote. I got it before he chewed it up. And, daughter had left her door open, so he snuck in there and grabbed some papers. Kepler loves to have a snack and drink while he uses the iPad. Whenever he gets up, the snack and drink are accessible to Toast, and I need to be alert as to whether or not Toast is trying to get the snack. He has ruined several cups.

Now, after several hours of Toast off at his overnight, I am aware of the many complications he has brought to my life. No wonder I have been dragging through my days. No wonder.

Certainly, the puppy months/years are challenging for anyone. But I didn’t realize until today how the dog that we got FOR Kepler is actually making things more challenging FOR and WITH Kepler.

Conventional wisdom says it’s a great thing for a child to have a pet. The sunk cost fallacy has me loathing the idea of finding him a new home. But if today is any indication, and I think it is, our most excellent dog is being a serious energy drain for me.

No conclusions here, yet. Just some of siouxsie’s musings.

I had lunch today with a friend. I had Kepler with me because doctor visit for him. Friend had already ordered when we arrived. The above picture is what Kepler saw when we sat down. Yes, I saw the words “Premium Apps” but there was no option to sign in somehow to use them. Under the circumstances, I thought maybe they had changed some policy or something and made the premium available for free. After all, there was no opt-in or other way to signify my desire to use the apps.

When the bill came, there was a $1.99 charge for “unlimited games.” Turns out, when you order drinks the lock comes off the games and if you use them at all, it’s $1.99. This seems QUITE unfriendly to parents and families. $1.99 may not be that much money, but I should definitely have the option to opt-in to the games.

With kids, as you know, you’re getting everyone seated, taking care of coats, mittens, hats, and a plethora of kid paraphernalia. Then comes figuring out what each kid wants, etc. Without warning, the games are unlocked and any kid who is curious, which would be any kid, will investigate.

So, parents, be forewarned. When you go to Red Robin, you now have ONE MORE THING to keep track of. If you don’t care, then it’s no big deal. If you want the option to opt-in to your child playing the games, remember that they are unlocked immediately after drinks are ordered. No one will tell you about the charges until the bill arrives. I will be letting Red Robin know my opinion of this practice.

or, Why I Hated That Movie So Bad

Greg and I snuck away for a couple hours the other day. We have always enjoyed seeing movies together and we still do. We just don’t get to the theater quite as often. And between Amazon Prime, Netflix, Directv, and the public library, there are thousands more options than we could ever have time for.

At first, we thought maybe we wouldn’t enjoy that movie, but after we talked about who was in it, we thought it might be worth seeing. I mean, Christian Bale amiright.

Reason 1 that I hated this movie so bad: handheld camera. Hate. That. Makes me carsick. Plus it was handheld camera closeup with pounding metal rock in the foreground.

Reason 2 that I hated this movie SO BAD: blah blah blah subprime million billion blah blah tranche mortgage blah blah blah. It’s BAD ENOUGH that the whole thing happened in 2008. Why would I want to see how it all went down in living color.

Reason 3 that I HATED this movie SO bad: After suffering through not nearly enough Christian Bale, entirely too much of a seriously enraged Steve Carrell, weird white lips on Ryan Gosling, and so so much noise, I didn’t even understand it. Yep, that’s right. I don’t understand how they could bet against the mortgage bonds and make money.

Reason 4 that I hated this movie so bad: corruption pisses me off. Just no thanks. I didn’t see one smidgen of redemption in that movie. None. Nada.

Did I like anything? Yes, the part of the story Brad Pitt was in. THAT’S IT.

So, there you have it. One of the few voices who is saying NO THANK YOU. By the way, Greg really enjoyed it and thought it was well-made. So, your mileage may vary.

Today was class one of eight in the beginner training class at the dog training center near our home. 

Now, I haven’t written a lot about Toast on my blog. I know there are millions of people who LOVE dogs. And I may be one of those people, but it’s a PROCESS. 

Taking Toast to class gave me a chance to observe him in a group of dogs. He really is an excellent dog and I felt proud of him. He didn’t bark (like Rascal did); he didn’t jump around like a hyperactive beetle, like that Australian shepherd did. He didn’t run circles around me while we walked, like the goldendoodle did to her owner. 

So, I am slooooowly coming to appreciate him. He and Kepler seem to be getting along very well, and, after all, that is the reason we adopted Toast in the first place. 

As Kepler’s 10th birthday approached, he reveled at every text we received from moms of kids who were going to come to his party, a “destination” party, his very first. I loved watching his delight and anticipation of getting to share his special day with the kids from his class.

The night before his actual birthday, I realized I didn’t have any actual presents for him to open on his birthday. I’ve written before about how difficult I find it to get birthday things handled in good time, which is to say, before the day of.

So I came up with a plan. I made a visual schedule for him.

Kepler LOVES visual schedules. I wondered how he would do with this one, but it worked beautifully. The only thing was that he was NOT interested in skating. When they had skate days at school, they did not provide the pvc movable fences that help keep kids upright, so Kepler has decided that he does not want to skate. He had me write “Kepler says no thank you to skating.” next to the picture. 🙂

At each location, I asked people there to write happy birthday to Kepler on the page we were using as a reference, which was very fun for him. People loved signing his paper.

After our trip to Kroger, we came home and made his cake together, a yummy lemon cake with whipped cream lemon frosting, which we served with rainbow sherbet. Kepler is not big on cake at all, so I chose something colorful, just in case that might entice him to try it.

The day was capped off with a family party and the promise of an exciting day tomorrow, the day of the friend party at the pool.

It has been several days since I have blogged. I have been doing a lot of resting and sleeping. I miss writing, but haven’t had a lot to say. 

I did get to an Alanon meeting today. This was the second of a series of four beginner meetings. I did get somethimg out of the meeting today — just a glimpse of how I might disengage with the circumstances of addiction and recovery and that one thing was helpful.

Aside from that, pretty quiet around here.