In the process, i gave my little Susan the opportunity to use her words and say some things she’d been feeling for a long time. She and I enjoyed the process, although it takes guts to do the work. It’s kind of like having a baby; it hurts like hell in the process (well, at least if you give birth like I did with my babies, sans epidurals) but, ahhhhhh, the result is new life.
Valerie and I happened to be flying home on the same flight from Seattle to Minneapolis because she spent the weekend with her friends in Seattle and I had a connecting flight there. When we got to Minneapolis, we spent just a few minutes together before we parted to catch our respective connections.
I didn’t know how far away (my) gate C21 was from (her) gate F9, so we hugged and I left her there, capable as all get out.
Fifty feet down the terminal, I got a pang of fear and pain. “Oh no, what if she was watching me walk away wishing i would turn around? What if she feels abandoned?” My anxiety ratcheted upwards at an alarming rate.
Just at that moment, I realized it wasn’t Valerie who was feeling abandoned by me. It was a younger me who had panicked after being dropped off by my parents. I ran after the car, desperate to catch their attention so they could reassure me, but neither turned back. Neither one saw my desperation and fear. That girl is who I was feeling. Her feelings of being abandoned were the substance of my pain.
It was because of the work I did this weekend that I recognized who was experiencing those emotions in the airport. And I comforted her. I saw her. I let her know I was there for her and I saw how scared she was. Once she knew I saw her and heard her, she calmed down and together we walked to our gate.
As part of this journey, I am committed to wholehearted forgiveness of myself and others. For far too long, I have banged the gavel of the harsh judge, “Guilty!” entirely too often. So I also had to forgive myself for not turning around and giving one more wave to this grown woman, my daughter, who I admire so very much. Judgement doesn’t live in this house anymore.
It was amazing to be present enough to attend to the child inside whom I have abandoned so many times.
Sound good? I highly recommend the workshop I just attended. They are held every month in Anchorage and at least once a year in Seattle. Not only will you experience healing yourself, but your healing will impact all your relationships.
Ask me anything. I want to share this experience with as many people as possible. The rapid emotional transformation healing practice that is used at White Raven Center is like no other therapeutic experience i have ever seen.