Category Archives: if i knew then what i know now

I Run and I Write

#anniversary, #beauty, #plenty #toomuch, if i knew then what i know now, The Joy in the Journey, trees

Sometimes I will come to my desk and open my laptop, ready to write, and the words just flow. Other times, I will look at my screen and nothing will happen. When that happens, I often go out for a walk or a run. Something about the concussive effects of my feet coming into contact with the earth seems to jar loose ideas that are tucked up in the cobwebs of my mind.

To wit:

When the builders built our little houses on this street, they naturally planted trees to adorn the yards. Considering that the houses were built in the late 1950’s, the trees have had a good long time to grow, whereas the houses have stayed the same size. As I walked today, I noticed the trees in my neighbors’ front yards. Some are nice, but we are not the only ones who have a mostly clear front yard.

7272672930_a677f8f5d3_b
NOT OUR HOUSE, NOT OUR TREE

Can trees be clutter?

Since we moved into this home 17 years ago yesterday, we have had at least 8 trees taken down. A couple were damaged by lightning or wind, one was threatening to damage the driveway with its roots, and others just seemed to dwarf the house and I wanted some space.

The summer sun pours down on us now, without the break which used to come from the shade of those towering trees. Sometimes I miss the trees, and wonder why I was so anxious to remove them. Maybe it was just a function of having so much on my plate, with thinking I had to be all things to all people for several years, homeschooling, answering the questions of my bright, inquisitive children, keeping the home fires burning, as it were.

We have also planted three trees since we moved in, so we have a net loss of five trees. Really six, when you include the neighbor’s oak tree which dropped a branch right on top of the first Good Egg (Previa). The neighbors were not required to pay for the damage to the car because “Act of God,” but at least they took the tree down so no more of our vehicles would get smooshed by their tree.

Most of the trees we had were deciduous, so the raking job was unbelievable. The evergreens we had threatened wires, sprouted sap, and covered a lot of space. In general, there were too many trees here. But now that they have been gone for many years, and my plate has settled down if only slightly, and my brain has mended itself and I realize it’s not up to me to solve the problems of the entire world, I can imagine that a few more well-placed, carefully chosen trees would be a nice addition here.

my-tulip-tree
Our tulip tree. We’ve had her since she was a baby seed.

Years ago, a tulip tree seed burrowed down into our backyard and grew. And grew. And grew. And now, we have this beautiful tree. And this encourages me to plant more, but I want the benefits of the tree without having to wait for it to grow! This tree is no more than 12 years old, and it grew from a seed.

And in the spirit of this meandering post, here is a poem by Ilan Shamir. Advice from a Tree:

 

Dear Friend,
Stand Tall and Proud
Sink your roots deeply into the Earth
Reflect the light of a greater source
Think long term
Go out on a limb
Remember your place among all living beings
Embrace with joy the changing seasons
For each yields its own abundance
The Energy and Birth of Spring
The Growth and Contentment of Summer
The Wisdom to let go of leaves in the Fall
The Rest and Quiet Renewal of Winter
Feel the wind and the sun
And delight in their presence
Look up at the moon that shines down upon you
And the mystery of the stars at night.
Seek nourishment from the good things in life
Simple pleasures
Earth, fresh air, light
Be content with your natural beauty
Drink plenty of water
Let your limbs sway and dance in the breezes
Be flexible
Remember your roots
Enjoy the view!

 

This Electronic Life

aargh, bitching and moaning, college humor, computers, electronics, Flowchart, frustration, if i knew then what i know now, insurance, NOT ENOUGH SAND, organizing

Have you ever called a company and been frustrated by the phone menu? Ever tried to login and forgotten the answers to your security questions? Ever wondered if we might not be better off having personal relationships with the people we do business with?

Square the phone menu, add in a quadrupled set of websites, all with their own login, password, security questions, and blasted captchas.

And what do you get?

A REALLY LONG TIME on the phone, navigating the very complex phone menu, entering digits and passwords and account numbers, waiting on hold, finally reaching a person, and then confirming all of the same digits and account numbers, and then ending up with answers like: “Your husband will have to call us or write to us to grant permission for us to discuss your account.”

I admit I find this whole thing exasperating. I don’t see it as an opportunity, but maybe it is. An opportunity to write down every last detail there is for every account we have ever had?

The irony here is that my very capable husband has NO interest in talking with the XXXX Insurance Company about this claim or that coverage, and is so very happy that I am able to and interested in handling these details.

As much as I try to simplify things, the sheer vastness of the internet just makes it very challenging to stay on top of the details. I always thought of myself as a detail-oriented person, but the volume of details has increased to the extent that I dread trying to call someone, especially the insurance companies, to solve a problem or get information.

And then there are the places that require authorization EVERY SINGLE TIME from my dear husband. Not that he is working or otherwise busy or anything. Aargh. I love how they ask if he is right here with me so they can get approval from him. Ha.

Do you have any tips for how to simplify things? Because I’m all ears, here.

If I Knew Then What I Know Now — Ten Things I’d Do Differently as a Homeschool Mom

#homeschooling, character, children, if i knew then what i know now, joy, motherhood, parenting, teaching
This is not what homeschooling looked like here.

Saw a link on Facebook from a homeschool mom who shared what she would do differently now as a homeschool mom. I could relate to some of it. It was posted by a homeschool mom I rarely see, but care about very much. I often read the comments on blog posts, but decided this time to write about my own list first.

First of all, I didn’t know then what I know now. Part of the journey of homeschooling is the learning that the parent does. So, maybe this is all just a moot point. But, let’s see …

1. I would de-emphasize intelligence and strongly emphasize character. Thing is, I actually thought I was doing this. Truth is, my “students” were all above average. I was constantly amazed by their grasp of concepts, their precociousness, and the joy I felt at just watching them learn. I didn’t realize I was reinforcing intelligence as much as I did. There were multiple times when something they did or said just BLEW ME AWAY. Like Valerie just up and reading the back cover of the Billy Graham autobiography I was reading. What was she, three? Four, at the most. I hadn’t even tried to teach her to read. I didn’t know that kids could learn to read just be being read to.

2. I would understand that no one else was going to be as thrilled about my children as I, and instead of rueing that, I would be affirming and encouraging to every other mother I came into contact with, realizing that she was as excited about her kids as I was about mine. At the time, my hands (and mind!) were full. The kids were born in 93, 94, and 95, and then 98. Kepler came along years after the first four, but I wasn’t just homeschooling one — I had a class!

3. I would be so much kinder to myself. Nothing ever felt like it was enough, and I know MANY homeschool mothers who experience this. Probably just about everyone who homeschools feels this at some point.

4. I would recognize a kid “come-apart” as an opportunity, not a sign that I was failing at my job. This might be the biggest one for me. I had a misunderstanding about my own role and responsibility in the feelings of my children. I needed them to be happy, and that was probably the biggest disservice I did them in my zeal.

5. I would remember that every type of school situation is good for someone, and every type of situation is also less-than-ideal for someone. Now that I’m on this side of things, where the educational methods of our kids include(d) some homeschooling, a bit of public school, years of a two-day-a-week homeschool set-up, an exhausting early grades online school, a poorly-administered online high school online, and the learn-while-you-sleep method we practiced for a few weeks months, I’ve discovered that there are PROS and CONS to every method.

(As an aside, big-time homeschooler mother, Mary Hood, wrote a book (June 1995) called “Onto the Yellow School Bus and Through the Gates of Hell.” Back when I started homeschooling, there were only a few voices writing about it. Although I never bought into Mary’s philosophy, the title comes to me often when I put my little Kepler on the school bus and send him to school where he is absolutely loved and cherished by his team. From the bus driver, to the school secretary, to the librarian, to the other students, I hear all the time how much joy he brings them. And they, as a group, give him things I simply cannot provide at home. )

6. I would find a balance between the heavy peer pressure of the school setting, and the freedom we had as homeschoolers. Without adequate preparation, going into public school can be (and was) traumatic. Happy-go-lucky kids who were unself-conscious became very self-conscious when they entered the public school system, not because they were deficient, not because the school system was evil, but because there are developmental phases that happen.

7. I would never, ever, ever compare my insides to anyone else’s outsides. Because, you know what? My insides ALWAYS came up lacking, when I looked at someone else and thought I knew ANYTHING about them based on what I saw.

8. I would find a balance between my very laid-back teaching style, and a more directive style. Both styles work in different situations, but some work better than others with young learners.

9. I would get up earlier and get us going and have a routine that we stuck to for more that a few days or weeks. Yes, back then, I was exhausted, dealt with depression, and had several “owies” on my heart. But that would have been a great example to my children, and one less thing to chastise myself about.

10. I would get professional photos taken every year. Well, I think I would. No, this one is that I would take a similarly posed photo in a similar place every year. I still have extra copies of the professional school photos I got of every child from every year. They’re so hard to let go of, even if we have enough for every person in our family! My photos would be all about the heart of the learning, the heart of the family, the heart of the giving, the heart of the love.

Things I am extremely glad I (we) did?
1. Read out loud, nearly every day and evening.
2. Do as much experiential learning as we could.
3. Practiced as best I could, a lifestyle of learning.
4. Enjoyed our children.
5. Made it through.