Heavy Heart Incoming

The Joy in the Journey,

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

I have written about a number of these already. What is on my mind today is a decision I am being faced with that I haven’t figured out.

The world and its problems are overwhelming to me. I think of movies which depict characters choosing life in the context of horrific conditions. I have always valued those kinds of movies, but the sheer volume of real situations in the world where there is war, genocide, corruption, greed, and injustice are doing a number on my heart and mind.

The decision before me is to either give in to despair or find a way to acceptance that the beauty in life is enough to keep me persevering.

Back in my church days, a man from zimbabwe spoke to our congregation about his experiences in war. This may have been the first time I ever heard about the unspeakable things soldiers do to women and children. Here I was sitting with my two little girls and my two little boys, none of which had even lived a dozen years by then.

How can anyone be so inhuman to countenance these types of war crimes, let alone carry them out?

One of my life mottos is to help those within my reach. In the past I have been able to distance myself from those in far-off lands or in nearby inner cities because they are not within my reach.

Stephen Covey talked about the circle of concern and the circle of influence. I think my circle of influence has gotten smaller and smaller while my circle of concern has only increased.

For someone that has always craved black and white answers, the grey is literally suffocating, and yet the grey is real. I suppose the question I am wrestling with is “how do I survive, or better yet, thrive in the midst of all the grey?”

1. What do you do with the grey?

2. Are your circle of concern and circle of influence equal-ish? Or are they of two drastic different sizes like mine are?

3.

4. Did this post make you uncomfortable? It sure made me uncomfortable!!

14 thoughts on “Heavy Heart Incoming”

  1. Are your circle of concern and circle of influence equal-ish? Or are they of two drastic different sizes like mine are?

    This is such a good question and diagnoses. I’ve had to learn to be humble about what I expect of myself re understanding and bandwidth, and as I look around me, expect that nearly everyone I encounter has had to do the same. We can’t grow personal bandwidth. We can link with others and effect wider waves occasionally. I think that’s worth doing where we find something we can feel confident-enough about.

    There are people in my immediate sphere I am responsible for, and part of that responsibility is also to care for the world that is the water they will swim in, so I don’t feel I can close off, but neither can I make such a difference. Due diligence and let it go, as they say. There are several industries making bank by convincing ordinary people that by arguing over the internet and simulating war wherever they can, they are making a difference, so I try not to fall into that. Taking care of myself may be taking care of the world, in that way and others.

    P.S. I lost this comment a few times when posting, so I’m not sure if there is a glitch today. I’m trying this one last time.

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  2. I don’t deal well with grey…not the color and not the mindset. I, when working had a large circle of influence simply because f the job I did…it has significantly narrowed over the years. I find though that it is easier now to deal with the grey areas of my life since my circle has shrunk to a manageable size. I try not to think about it, instead just carry on with what I can manage. My children are adults and half of them are doing good things with their worlds. I don’t take credit for anything they have done or will do. I just hope they have fulfilling lives…and now that I have detoured off the point am going to stop.

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  3. I accepted a long time ago the world comes in all shades of grey from almost white to almost black and every shade inbetween, but there is no such thing as Black or White! This is one of my main problems with religion (and I have many main problems with religion) that they teach and demand Black and White when such things do not exist. Just looking for Black and White stunts a person’s ability to think with creativity mixed with discernment. (I know there is a word for that but my old and battered brain cannot come up with it right now.) To be able to regularly think outside the boxes one needs an open mind, where one day what is dark can be light on another day. I will admit this is not easy to do, but taking all the limits off what you can think and perceive is the fastest way to true wisdom. Right and wrong are daily judgments, and there are no eternal truths.
    Once you discover that then you are free to make your own decisions on what is doable or not doable for you. Ask yourself, “What are my limits as gained from my own experience?” If you can answer that you are now a person whole in body and mind, acting as one no matter what anyone else’s truth may be.
    I don’t know whether or not to add this, but reaching this state does not mean irresponsibility, but that it helps you understand what true responsibility is. Or at least, that is what it did for me. And it brought about my rewording of the Golden Rule: I must intentionally do unto others only that which I would consciously allow others to intentionally do unto me. (I cannot stop accidents from happening though I must do my best to not cause an accident to someone else.) This rule puts the onus directly on me, and no one else. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL MY ACTIONS, AND NON-ACTIONS. No one else is responsible for me — only me! That gives me the responsibility for all other living beings.

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    1. Tried to post this before, but WP not cooperating today. Is lateral thinking what you were thinking of? Because yeah buddy that’s something that I’m still trying to develop. One thing I appreciate about you is that you are your own standard in how you approach life and I think that’s admirable. I also find your golden rule swerve to be very interesting. Thanks for this great comment.

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      1. I’m having trouble responding to you. Not sure what the problem is.
        Thanks, but I don’t deserve anyone’s admiration, I don’t think. I just want to be me.
        The thing about rules is, people like to make them for everyone else, then they break them themselves. I don’t like rules as a rule (teehee, had to get that in!) but I keep reading about how almost every society or religion or whatever has them, but they are never expressed as personal. So I took it upon myself to make the “Golden Rule” personal, about me and no one else. If anyone wants to use it for themselves, I won’t mind.
        Now, lateral thinking. I had to look it up. And I guess it does describe how I live in certain ways. Most of my life I have been able to look at things from a different viewpoint than my friends or whomever — but, my experiences are what drives that. Nodoby has the same experiences as anyone else. I use my experience to guide me. I guess that is unusual in normal society. For many people it is easier to be told how to think, how to act, etc. And many of those, in America and elsewhere, end up being MAGAts. They believe anything Trump or other Republicans/Conservatives tell them. I try never to do that. If something is worth believing, I want to be sure it is me who believes it, not someone else.
        I like your blog because I can see you trying to be “better,” whatever that means to you. You ask questions, and you search for answers. I think I see you trying to search first inside yourself. For me, that is best place to look. I trust my gut, so-to-speak. If it feels right in my gut, then I look deeper. If my gut tells me otherwise, then I don’t give that thing much effort. Over the years I found my gut is very seldom wrong. But that is a whole ‘nother thing….
        Time to go before I bore you to death. I need sleep…

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  4. Beautiful posts as always. This is a difficult question for me to answer because I normally don’t like to share my negative personal experiences with people. The most difficult decision that I have had to make is embarking on the journey of immigration. I grew up in the Middle East where my family had settled down. I had become well-adjusted to the school system, friends and lifestyle of the Arab country. It was also the time when I encountered first love. At an early age, I fell in love with a girl in my school with dreams of marriage. However, the barriers of immigration brought our bonds to a closure. When my family was forced to immigrate to Canada, it was painful to separate from my beloved classmate. Years later, the sad fact is we completely lost touch with each other. Ultimately, the valuable lesson I took away from experience is that childhood crushes are lovers that don’t last forever. Change is inevitable in life. My personal experiences were beautifully portrayed in the Oscar-nominated film “Past Lives”. My favorite film of 2023. Here’s why I recommend it strongly:

    Why “Past Lives” is the Best Movie of the Year

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    1. This is the second time you have mentioned this movie so I am definitely going to watch it. Thank you for sharing some of your story. What was it like to immigrate? Did you know English before you came to Canada?

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      1. Thanks for the comment. Immigration for me at least was a challenging process. Arguably, the biggest challenge for me was the change in the lifestyle. Canada is the polar opposite of Middle East. The school system, lifestyles and fast-paced routine were all changes that I had to adjust to. I already knew English well so that wasn’t a challenge. The most painful thing for me was the loneliness. After moving countries, I felt more lonely than ever. I could not make any friends in school. I missed a girl that I had valued highly.

        Definitely check out “Past Lives”. It’s one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

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      2. I am going to watch it in the next few days. I can relate to your loneliness a bit. My husband and I moved to Australia for 16 months, expecting to be there for 4 years. People were kind and welcoming and yet everything was completely different. It took some time to adjust. And I can also relate to the pace change. Australia was so laid back and a very nice change of pace to the fast american life. I greatly missed the Aussie lifestyle when we came back to the States.

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      3. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have a feeling that you are going to love this movie. Let me know what you thought of it after seeing it.

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