Category Archives: Education and Lifelong Learning

Yeah, No

carefree timelessness, Education and Lifelong Learning, forgiveness, if i knew then what i know now, life is good, Living with Questions, parenting and motherhood, personal growth, The Joy in the Journey, Time,

Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?

we thought they’d never end

Today’s prompt asks for a simple yes or no. That question doesn’t plumb the depths. So let’s do some plumbing by answering *two* questions: Is there a time of your life you would like to relive? Why or why not?

Why might someone want to re-live a day or year?

Enjoyment and Pleasure

Some lucky few have had times in their lives that were especially satisfying — college years, early parenthood, the blossoming of a love relationship, a sports team winning the championship, a concert or art exhibit, overcoming a challenge. It can be tempting to want to experience the pleasure and satisfaction again.

Regret

All if us have experiences we wish we could do over. It can be tempting to imagine we could have made different choices.

Reluctance about getting older

As I age, my younger days seem carefree. While I was going through them, they didn’t seem carefree! It can be tempting to imagine earlier times were simpler/better times but “hindsight is 20/20” is why.

But also ….

I believe we did the best we could with the information we had at the time. Every bit of my journey has brought me to this place and time.

No, I would not re-live an age or a time of life. When I think back sometimes I wish I knew then what I know now. But I didn’t. The past is gone! All we have is right now. All of my past experiences are building blocks to the Siouxsie I am now.

Putting on the Brakes

Education and Lifelong Learning, The Joy in the Journey, , ,

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I follow a few bloggers who write regularly. James Clear posts every Monday and Thursday and has for a few years. Seth Godin writes a daily post and has for something like 16 years, or maybe 61 years. It’s been quite a long time anyway. *You* may follow bloggers who are consistent, but you follow at least one who lurches forward two baby steps, then writes posts for 7 straight days, then nothing for 4 months. Following such a blogger takes patience and determination! While I may be more the norm as far as bloggers go with my haphazard posting, expect to see some consistency from this blogger starting today.

I listened to the latest episode of a new favorite podcast yesterday called 10% Happier. The guest was Daniel Pink, who I think I have heard of, but maybe just because his name is a color I like. His latest book, When, is about the science of when we do things for optimal performance.

The takeaway for me was the Peak-Trough-Recovery cycle of our days. Around 8am we are at a peak of energy and brain power. Around 1pm we have moved into a trough where we definitely do not have that creative energy flowing. And by about 6pm we have recovered somewhat, although not up to the same peak levels as the morning.

Analytical thinking and creating is best done in the morning.

Administrative work is best done in the early afternoon.

Brainstorming and insight work is best done in the later hours of the day.

This is the opposite of what I have been doing. I have been tackling email and paperwork in the morning, which would be better addressed later in the day. I realize now that it is difficult to be writing consistently when I am using up my juicy writing time adding up columns of numbers. So I screeched my old schedule to a halt and I’m experimenting with Pink’s suggestion on what to do when.

How do you structure your day? If you were to apply Pink’s insights, what changes would you make? As always, thanks for reading!

 

How to Solve the Problem of “Shoulding” on Yourself

Education and Lifelong Learning, personal growth,

I recently made a list of every one of my roles, and then wrote down all the shoulds related to each role.  So far, I have discovered 40 different roles. Roles are anything that you could conceivably have embroidered on a hat! We all wear a whole bunch of different hats.

As for the shoulds, I was aghast but curious to observe the pages and pages of shoulds that hang around nonchalantly, shooting darts at me all day every day. As I stared at the pages, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Should is a very heavy word.

Not only that, but each should holds several more  inside, like the maryoshka dolls pictured above.

“I should clean out my car” contains “I SHOULD always have a clean car.” Inside that one: “I SHOULD have a clean car inside AND out.”  Inside: “I SHOULD WANT to have a cleaner car.” Inside that one: “I SHOULD get regular oil changes and other periodic service.” Inside that one: “I SHOULD teach Kepler to take all of his trash out of the car every day.” Each one piles on top of the other.

The tiniest maryoshka doll of should is probably the same for every should and has to do with being afraid to make mistakes, or a need to be perfect, or some other aspect of not being enough.

A common example of a should is “I should exericise (more/daily/at all).” And some of us are able to should ourselves to the gym and get it done. But only for awhile. Tony Robbins has a concept he calls “push motivation vs pull motivation.” As he says,

“There are 2 different kinds of motivation: Push requires willpower, and willpower never lasts. What will last is pull – having something so exciting, so attractive, something you desire so much that you have a hard time going to sleep at night, you get up so early in the morning and take it to the next level. That’s what you’re looking to get.”

Does should make me clean out my car? Or want to do it? Well, no, actually. The shoulds simply sit there, judging me. I feel terrible.

With a vague memory of the push-pull concept, I looked at my list and thought there must be some desire under these shoulds. There must be something that I actually want, something that connecting with would transform the should into a want.

 

What I actually like is what it feels like when my car is clean, inside and/or outside, free of trash, organized, fueled up, and taken care of.

I transform the should into a want like this:  I love how it feels to be in my car when it’s clean and organized. I love how it feels to take “exquisite care” of our things. I love feeling content as I drive.

And just like that, I’m motivated to take better care of my car. Just like that. Should is a heavy word. The joy of fulfilling a want is sweet and light and anything but heavy.

 

 

 

Many Happy Returns of the Day

baby steps, being proactive, Education and Lifelong Learning, The Joy in the Journey

For many years now, I have been susceptible to the GoBackToBed Magnet. I always seem to buy beds with really strong ones. On days when I don’t have to be out the door, sometimes rather often I can fall prey to the Preying Magnet. As recently as yesterday, the GBTB Magnet drew me as easily as the iron filings to Wooly Willy.

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Knowing today that I didn’t need to be anywhere at any particular time, and also knowing full well how cozy the old grand lit is, I thought maybe I better approach the problem from a new angle.

While Kepler and I danced around at the bus stop (to the music from Shrek; always Shrek), a thought popped into my head.  “I shall pretend like I am someone who never goes back to bed after I get my kids off to school.”  I was thinking about actors and how they embody personas that are very different from their natural personality, and I thought well darn it if Leo diCaprio can do it, then so can I. On my way back to the house, I just engaged in a little game of pretend and imagined all the things that kind of person might think about their day and their time and their bed.

I find that things that work for me tend to arise organically, but almost always confirm something I have read or heard in the past. In college, THE thing that stuck with me out of all the psych classes I took was the idea that attitude follows action. That my attitude will very often change based on me taking action. When I start something, even if I only intend to keep it up for two minutes (like a cleaning task), keeping on going is almost always the outcome. Overcoming that initial inertia gets the momentum going.

I made colorful signs for myself and posted them around the house, affirmations about the kind of person that I am, even though I can find evidence against each of them! I placed “I am the kind of person who stays up after my kids go to school” on my already made bed. I placed others throughout the house, and each of them made me smile throughout the day.

And I got hella done, man. Not only for myself, but I helped my mother by taking nearly 100 books out of her house for her — books she was ready to part with. (Although I was once accused of shoplifting, I don’t actually steal things.)

One of the books leaving was A Prairie Home Companion Pretty Good Joke Book. I decided I needed that one more than the donation box, and so I will leave you with a Pretty Good Joke: Why did the mushroom go to the party? Cuz he was a fungi! Why did the fungi leave the party? Cuz there wasn’t mushroom.

 

 

That Wise Dalai Lama

Education and Lifelong Learning, The Joy in the Journey

May I become at all times,
Both now and for ever,
A protector for the helpless,
A guide for the lost ones,
A ship for those to cross oceans,
And a bridge to cross rivers,
A sanctuary for those in danger,
A lamp for those in darkness,
A refuge for those who need shelter,
A servant to all in need.

I saw a wallhanging with this quote by the Dalai Lama. It hangs in the small dining room of the home where I stayed in Alaska. I looked all over the internet for the banner, as I really loved the quote. But found it not, did I.

I wonder if it can actually be both a positive thing as well as a negative thing to want to be a servant to all in need.

I love the images that this quotation brings to mind.

Have you ever been lost? These days, it seems like most of us have GPS capability at our fingertips so if we do get lost, we can pretty easily find our way to our destination with just a few keystrokes.

childforest

When our big kids were little, we visited Red River Gorge (spoiler alert: a truly PANIC-inducing venue to take small children). Only the three eldest were born, so they were probably 4, 3, and 2. Greg and I have always loved to hike. Loved it. Figured it’s about the same thing to hike with three small children in hand/on our backs.

For some reason, we got to a fork in the path and didn’t see the next signpost. For SOME reason very mysterious to me now, we parents decided to go two different directions; Greg with the boys, and me with Valerie. We knew the trail started and ended at the parking lot. But just like every trip TO somewhere, the path seemed to never end.

Valerie and I kept walking and walking and walking. We didn’t see anyone. After awhile, I began to fear that we had gotten off the trail and so I had us stop and wait so I could think about what to do. I don’t even know if Valerie remembers this, but she probably does — it may have gone done in her memory as a traumatic event. I know for me it was scary. I mean, I knew SOMEONE would find us. We weren’t that far away from the parking lot, but this was pre-cellphones, so I was either going to have to find the way or be found.

We waited for quite some time and so I decided we should retrace our steps. We hiked for awhile, with me still not knowing whether we were on the path or not. When we finally saw a couple of hikers who became guides for these lost ones, they were the most welcome faces I had ever seen. We had been on the right path all along; I just hadn’t realized how much further we had to go.

Although the guide for this lost one did appear, much of the resolution that day was left up to me to figure out. When we were in the woods, I was the one who had to figure out what to do. I knew Greg was not far away, but I knew it would be very difficult for him to carry two small boys back up the trail to find us. He would have done it, and indeed was just about to set out when we finally appeared. Had it been him in the forest, he

THAT image of a guide for the lost ones, I love. But I think the key is that I KNEW we were lost. I KNEW we needed some outside information in order to be sure where we were. The most frequent “lost” ones I come into contact with are those who are in drug court, and many of them do not feel lost, and therefore are not looking for a guide.

Even when responding to a felt need from someone who is looking for a ship to cross the ocean or a lamp for the darkness, I must be careful to respect their journey, and really think about what it means to offer someone a lamp for the darkness. I suppose one of the major aspects of it is to be willing to offer the lamp and then be unattached to the outcome of what the searcher does in the light.

I’m not sure I’m really up to asking to be all of those things “both now and forever.” I would guess that the primary way I become all of those things is to practice being them for myself first. Otherwise, it can be a distraction to go around thinking I can be a bridge for someone to cross a river or a sanctuary for someone in danger. I do want to let my light shine, so being a lamp in the darkness seems like the most doable of the list.

I’m a work in progress. Seems I have been giving myself away in ways that have depleted me greatly. I choose to embrace now learning to give of myself in ways that share out of my fullness, rather than eking a few more drops out of my emptiness. And along the way, it is very interesting to observe how those I think need help actually do things for themselves when they are allowed to.

So, I will walk forward lightly, listening, listening.