Daily Archives: June 3, 2008

Oh, Pshaw, Part II


Well, one must be on one’s toes in these days of apostasy.

At my FINE bank, when one makes a deposit, one is entitled to $100 of that deposit right now, but the rest of it only becomes available when thine deposited checks clear their bank of origin.

One would think that one would know this since one has banked at this bank for nigh only nine years. But one is not in the habit of double-crossing oneself and overdrawing one’s account, now is one?

My FINE bank tellers did confirm in fact this morning that had I been a sly enough banking customer to have deposited ONE check yesterday and ONE check today, I would have indeed had $100 available yesterday and $100 available today, which adds up to $200, which is twice as much as the $100 that is available to me today since I alertly deposited all of the checks together.

So, NOW I know. In the meantime, Kepler better not need too many diaper changes today! And I guess it’s beet pancakes for lunch too!

Never a dull moment.

Everybody Ought to Know

My dearest author, Adrian Plass, is quite probably the funniest man on earth. While we lived in Australia in 1990, this book was published and I saw it there first. However, I was at first unimpressed as it reminded me of some book I had heard of by Adrian Mole, which I know nothing about, but was unimpressed anyway. That is, I was unimpressed until I cracked open the cover of the book.

The cast of characters (below) is just chock full of loveable humans. But Adrian himself is the piece de resistance. He does amazing things in his quest to be a good Christian, including (but not limited to) attempting to make a paper clip move on his desk, in response to the verse about being able to move a mountain if you have the faith of a mustard seed.

Greg and I read this book to each other even now, 18 years later. Adrian has a wonderful way of capturing the foibles and wonderfulness of us imperfect Christians. I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone, although someone who has been in the evangelical “culture” will certainly get a lot more of it.

Do yourself a favor. Read this book. You will love it. Guaranteed.

For more info on Adrian, visit his website

* Adrian Plass appears as himself as the main protagonist.
* Anne Plass, Adrian’s wife.
* Gerald Plass, Adrian and Anne’s son. His quirky and teasing sense of humour frequently offends the religious sensibilities of some of the more staid and conservative members of the church (notably Doreen Cook and Victoria Flushpool), and he has a minor obsession with anagrams, frequently announcing entertaining rearrangements of the letters in the names of various notable Christian personalities.
* Leonard Thynn, a close friend of the Plass family, whose eccentric personality and tendency to misunderstand social situations are a frequent source of both entertainment and frustration for the other members of the church. He struggles with alcoholism and lives at home with his elderly, deaf and similarly eccentric mother, Mrs Thynn.
* Everett Glander, Adrian’s nemesis – a non-Christian who works at the next desk to him at work. He is constantly telling dirty jokes, about which Adrian admits to feeling guilty about the fact that he finds them funny.
* Victoria Flushpool, a rigid, doctrinaire and intimidating woman who considers balsa wood models to be evil on the grounds that the number of letters in “balsa wood” is a factor of 666, the Number of the Beast. Towards the end of The Theatrical Tapes of Leonard Thynn, she is brought to repentance and becomes much friendlier and more approachable. She and her husband later go to Africa as missionaries.
* Stenneth Flushpool, Victoria Flushpool’s long-suffering husband and closet balsa wood modelling enthusiast.
* Edwin Burlesford, the patient and wise pastor of the church.
* Elsie Burlesford, Edwin’s teenage daughter, an obstinate, headstrong character who considers the mildest, most tentative constructive criticism imaginable to be akin to Romania under Nicolae Ceau┼čescu.
* Andromeda Veal, the rabidly feminist seven year old daughter of a Greenham Common woman.
* Richard Cook, a staunch and literally minded but enthusiastic church member, who frequently shares surreal “visions” and “pictures” with the rest of the group.
* Doreen Cook, Richard’s equally staunch and rather more doctrinaire wife who insists that everything must be evangelically correct.
* Charles Cook, an enthusiastic Bible College student who manages to quote twelve Scripture verses for each word of “I hope you get better soon.”
* Vernon Rawlings, a friend of Charles Cook with grandiose visions of himself in ministry and a habit of peppering his prayers with “really just”.
* Frank Braddock, the Plass’s laid-back, pipe-smoking next door neighbour.
* Percy Brain, the Plass’s next door neighbour on the other side: a lonely, retired thespian who views himself as another Laurence Olivier.

(Cast of characters retrieved from Wikipedia.)

State of the Union

Well, pshaw.

Greg took the [one phone charger we can find] off on his business trip (at my suggestion and with my blessing) and my phone is doing that desperate gulping thing it does as it slowly fades into oblivion.

We have cinched the belt really tight over the past week cause we sort of overspent and there was no room for foolishness since the mortgage was to be deducted yesterday. So we are down to a can of beets in the pantry, some really old leftovers in the fridge, and not a crumb in the snack cabinet. Imagine my SURPRISE!! when I discovered this morning in my daily online banking session that I had alertly and secretly arranged for the rest of Valerie’s camp fee to be deducted yesterday! So all our hard work to avoid being overdrawn by the mortgage was all for naught. And to that, I utilize a swear word I learned from my father — Fat!!

And this silly yearbook that I foolishly agreed to single-handedly create on a program I do not know how to use? Foolish, foolish. Why? Why did I agree to this? Just because there is one senior who wishes to have a yearbook. Good reason? I think not. But nevertheless I have alertly committed myself to the “little” project.

The good news is I know there is another phone charger if I can just unearth it; I have two checks to deposit and being overdrawn in the morning but not in the evening is just like not being overdrawn at all, so I will be waiting at the drive-through at 9:00 sharp; and somehow this yearbook will get done even if I have to use Microsoft Word. So, don’t cry for me, Argentina! I still have the best deal around when it comes to an outstanding hubby, and fine children who are strong and brave. I just hope they don’t mind beet pancakes for breakfast.